Welcome back friends, it is so good to see you again. Today in my blog, we are going to talk about our inner critic. What it is, how it shows up for us and how we can begin to kick our inner critic to the curb and start learning how to embrace our inner mentor.
Inner Critic
Have you ever wanted to put yourself out there but something was holding you back? Maybe you wanted to apply for a new job or try a new activity but when you start to put yourself out there, you hear this little voice inside you telling you, “Don’t do it!! It will only turn out badly!”
Think about it! What is one of the main things that holds you back from wanting to put yourselves out there and try something new? You know what I am talking about, it is that little voice inside you that tells you that you are not good enough. It happens to everyone! Even the most put together people we know, will tell you that, at times, they have self-doubt. For some of you, you may label this as negative self-talk, others may label it as head trash; but, for today’s post, we will refer to this as our inner critic. So, with that being said, let’s get one thing straight – THE INNER CRITIC IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!
If you think back over your life, how many times have you let your inner critic impact your life in a negative way? How many times has it stopped you in its tracks and as a result you have missed out on some amazing opportunities because your inner critic told you that you were not good enough or just not ready?
Kick the Inner Critic to the Curb
One of two things can happen. We can let the inner critic when and hold us back from some amazing opportunities or we can develop some strategies to help us squash our inner critic. So, what can we do to address our inner critic when she (for now, I am labeling her as a she) shows up?
I have read a lot of articles about our inner critic and am currently reading, Playing Big (CLICK HERE TO BUY) by Tara Mohr. In Tara’s book, she shares some suggestions as to what you need to do when the inner critic shows up. Firstly, you need to recognize that your inner critic has been around for a long time and she will not go easily. Secondly, it is a habit that we have acquired and we all know how hard it is to break a habit. Think about it. Have you ever tried to take sugar out of your diet? It is extremely hard because it is in so many things we consume.
In an article written by Margarita Tartakovsky, ”3 Clear Cut Steps to Quiet Your Inner Critic”, she provides advice on how we can begin to kick our inner critic to the curb. The first thing she mentions is that it is important for us to “catch it” as it is happening. What I think she means is that we have to be able to develop a sense of self-awareness in order to address these negative thoughts as they happen. When does the inner critic tend to show up? We also need to remind ourselves that the statements that the inner critic is saying are not true. Ladies, that negative voice playing in your head is not a true reflection of who you are and what you are truly capable of. You need to recognize when she rears her ugly head and plants those seeds of self-doubt.
Secondly, she then suggests that you “match it”. When that inner voice tells you that you are not good enough, you need to turn it around and reframe those words in a positive way. For example, you need to start recognizing that, “Yes, I am good enough. I do not need to be perfect and every time I try something that falls outside my comfort zone is a learning opportunity for me.”
Lastly, she says “scratch it” which means that you kick that inner critic to the curb. You need to reframe the negative self-talk into positive statements. Those statements that our inner critic is saying are not true.
Kicking the inner critic to the curb takes time and practice. It is not easy and requires hard work. Work which I personally believe is well worth it. Think about when you learned to ride a bike. It takes a lot of attempts before you start to see change. One of the things we talk about with our clients is the importance of action. If you don’t take action, how will you see impact. In a conversation I was having with a friend, she said ACTION is the enemy of THOUGHT. I love this! Sometimes we get “stuck” in thought and now we need to make a change but we are not sure of how to take the first steps. Working with a coach can help you to begin to shift your thinking, help move you forward and bridge the shift from inner critic to inner mentor. Coaching is all about forward motion.
Now What?
So, how do we start to recognize or create awareness when this little sucker shows up. How can we begin to start naturally bringing in our inner mentor into our thoughts and begin to let go of the inner critic? In Tara’s book, she shares how the inner mentor is kinder and gentler to ourselves. The inner mentor guides us and gives us the strength and courage to move forward. She speaks softer to us and lets us know that “we are enough” and “how proud she is of us that we put ourselves out there”. We need to dig deep within ourselves to find the inner mentor and hold on to her as tight as we can because the inner critic will not go down without a fight.
There is tremendous power in failing forward which is something we work on with our coaching clients. If we do not put ourselves out there and take risks, how do we grow and develop ourselves personally and professionally. Think about how we model this for our children by sharing both our wins and losses. The valuable lesson we share with our children by showing resilience and the ability to bounce back.
“We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes—-understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.”—Arianna Huffington
So next time your inner critic shows up, you need to look her in the eye and tell her “thanks for sharing her opinion but no thanks”.
THE END.
PS. Thank you so much for reading my blog. If there is a topic that you would like me to tackle, please email me @ boldandbravecoaching@gmail.com OR if you would like to be a guest blogger and would like to share your knowledge and expertise with others in order to help make other busy working moms lives easier, please reach out to me.
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